Dirty Fingernails and Dried Blood
by SquishyCool
Summary: Post-Still and pre-Alone. Beth uses the last pages of her diary to write down every detail of surviving with Daryl. "Traveling with Daryl has been a blessing in disguise." Beth Greene is a candle in the darkness, but it's hard to keep your candle lit when it's facing high winds. Daryl/Beth slowly-forming romance written in Beth's own words. Due to be 6-plus chapters long.
1. Entry 1

**Entry #1**

I don't know if this will make much sense anymore. I'm startin' to think I don't make sense anymore, not even in my head, not even on your pages. Which there aren't many more of. This is the last book I'll have to write in till I don't know when. The way I see it, I can either keep a bunch of short entries about survivin' and running for my life... or I can write down everything I can remember from the good stuff that happens. Because I have to look at it that way. I have to find the good stuff and remember it and hold it close or else I'll lose what's left of myself. I'm not who I used to be and focusing on nothin' but survival and what I'm gonna kill next or how many Walker brains I impaled that day... that ain't no way to live. And I figure I may not make it much longer. I won't outlast anyone and who knows if I get bit tomorrow or I get trapped or a million other possibilities... I wanna have somethin' good to look back on, to remind me it's not all gone completely to hell. So that's what I'll fill this book with, just in case it's the last book I ever carry with me.

Traveling with Daryl has been a blessing in disguise. It's been a battle to convince him to help me find the others... and to get him to admit he cares. That he gives two shits about these people. Now I know. Somehow I always did, but the way he rejected every chance for hope, it made me so angry. I see now, though, that he just blames himself. He thinks he could've done somethin', like anyone could've known what was comin' for us in the prison and what we were actually up against. He acts like he don't care because he actually cares too much. Maybe he even wishes he could've protected everyone. I don't think I could convince him otherwise. But I realize now that God must've paired us together for a good reason. If we had to lose the prison and I had to separate from everyone, including Maggie, I'm glad now that it was with Daryl. He makes me feel safe, somehow. Even though he can be a stubborn pain in the ass. Seems like every time I turn around, he's lookin' over my shoulder for me. He's got his crossbow ready to shoot through anything I can't handle.

I even saw him cry... I wrapped my arms around him. I let him just be there. 'Cause sometimes you need to cry. He blames himself and I don't think anyone from the prison would've expected that. I don't think they realize how much he actually cares about all of us. He might seem like he doesn't and he sure had me convinced. But I see it now. He wouldn't have ran with me, or helped me hide in the trunk of an old car, or taken me on a stupid mission to have my first real drink. He wouldn't have yelled at me if he didn't really care... and even apologized afterward.

When we ran away from that burning house, the moonshine glowing in our veins, I turned around and caught a smile on his face. I can't say I've seen him smile too much, let alone a genuine one. But I saw happiness on his face. I've never burned anything down before, but settin' that place on fire made me feel... alive. In a world where I spend every day just tryin' to survive.

We ran away from that fire but the smell followed us for miles. Moonshine and ashes. Burnt wood and stale cigarette smoke. We got so far away that all we could see was the smoke rolling above the trees in the distance and a faint, orange glow. And when we finally stopped for a breather, I looked down and realized his hand was clasped onto mine, all dirty fingernails and dried blood. It was warm and protective, our palms sweaty and his thumb pressing into the top of my hand. I probably blushed but my face was already red from running so far. His smile was gone now and he let go of my hand like he didn't notice he was holding it. He took his crossbow in both hands and started lookin' around for Walkers so I took out my knife and did the same.

We found a little clearing between trees and decaying logs that looked about as good as any place to set up a camp for the night. Once the perimeter was clear, we gathered up some sticks and brush and made a small fire. For the first night in a long time, I was actually exhausted and sleepy at the same time. The alcohol was wearing off and I could already feel a headache developing as Daryl and I sat on adjacent logs around the fire.

"Here," he said, holding out our bottle of water for me to take.

I took it gladly and swallowed a swig of water. It was lukewarm but I knew I needed it if I wanted to be somewhat alert when morning arrived. I sat and stared into the fire, occasionally sippin' the water while I cradled it in my hands. I couldn't help but think of Maggie and Judith and Luke and Lizzie... All of them. I missed them and I couldn't help it. I knew they were out there somewhere. I could just feel it.

"You're crazier than I thought."

His voice startled me, I was so lost in my own thoughts. I looked up and gave him a small smile. "You're more human than I thought."

He furrowed his brow and for a second, I thought maybe I'd said the wrong thing. But then he shrugged and muttered, "Just 'cause ya never see me cry don't mean it doesn't happen."

I nodded. I wasn't sure what else to say. He sighed and slid down to the ground, stretching himself out and resting his head back against the log before he closed his eyes. Sleep sounded good. I laid down in front of the fire and rested my head on my hands, the bottle of water within close reach. I swear I only closed my eyes for a second, just to rest them for a moment.

I'm startin' to think being with Daryl makes me feel too safe 'cause I should've known not to fall asleep like that.

In my dream, I heard Lizzie and Luke calling my name. They were somewhere off in the distance and I was holding Judith in my arms, lookin' around for 'em. She started cryin', but it didn't sound right. It almost sounded like she was sick or she was choking on somethin' caught in her throat. I tried to quiet her so I could find Lizzie and Luke but she kept gettin' louder, and then reached up and grabbed my hair, yanking on it hard.

Then I felt the teeth in my neck.

I woke up screaming only to find somethin' worse than my nightmare. I was lying on the cold ground of the campsite Daryl and I had settled into. He was standin' above me with his crossbow aimed a few inches away from my head. The fire had mostly gone out except for a few flickering embers that helped me to see the scene around me that was only lit by moonlight. One of his boots was dug into the side of my neck, but he wasn't stepping on my neck... He was steppin' on a Walker's hand and its dirty, jagged fingernails only inches away from my neck. Its other hand was grasped onto a chunk of my hair and it was seconds away from biting into me.

From making me... just like it.

I was literally moments away from death, and I was frozen. I couldn't move. I just kept starin' up at Daryl with wide eyes. I'm sure I looked like a deer caught in headlights. But I could barely breathe. And he saw it. He saw that fear. He looked stone-faced, like he always does, but his eyes were wild and searchin' my face all over for some sort of reaction or maybe he wasn't sure he had actually saved me in time. He was breathing heavily and I realized his hands were kinda shakin'. I don't think I've ever seen him anything but steady with that crossbow.

My breath came back to me and I gasped it in quickly. I sat up as fast as I could and stood to my feet, turning around to face Daryl and the scene of my own near-death experience. The Walker was motionless, a bolt shot straight through its head. He finally lowered his crossbow and glanced around. We both checked for signs of other Walkers but this one... he was missing his bottom half so... we figured it got separated from any herds and just happened to get lucky enough to find us within crawling distance...

Now, the reason I wanted to write this down is because... well, it's something good to me. Before all this started, somethin' like this would be considered a terrible memory. "Traumatic." But I'm still alive. I got lucky once again. Wakin' up to Daryl standing over me and realizing he was lookin' out for me when I could've been dead... you don't wanna forget about things like that. Especially when you don't even know for sure if the last few people you know and care about are still alive.

I told Daryl he'd outlast me and everyone else... I don't think he believes me but I meant it. I really did.

The sun is comin' up now and I'm still here to see it.

_-E.G._

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**A/N: **This is my first Walking Dead fanfiction ever and my first fic at all in a long time. I have 5 chapters written so far and I'm not sure how many more there will be but I'll be posting them every couple of days or so, depending on the feedback. I've been watching TWD since day one but I just started shipping Bethyl after watching "Alone" (and I ship it HARD!). It inspired me like no other. I'm trying to be a productive member of the fandom so any and all constructive criticism is happily welcome. Any questions or comments, feel free to message me, I usually reply within a couple of hours. Thank you for reading :)


	2. Entry 2

**A/N:** Correction on my author's note at the end of last chapter: I started shipping Bethyl after "Still," not "Alone." Haha my bad.

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**Entry #2**

I think I might always remember the sky from last night. Even if I don't write it down. It was like this royal blue and there were a few long clouds scattered throughout. It felt like somethin' was lookin' at me. But not like that usually feels. Not like somethin' is lookin' at me as food... but like it was watchin' over me. I almost felt at home again when I looked up at that sky through the little clearing in the trees. I ached for my daddy. For Maggie.

Me and Daryl walked for most of the day, only stopping to eat. It was late, a few hours after sundown, but we hadn't come across a house since before sundown. We got some food from it, but it was full of bodies... Suicides. We've been seein' a lot of those out in these places. It still jars me when I walk in and find the scenes. To remember somethin' like that was what I'd thought was the only option at one time. I think Daryl could've slept there but I wanted to move on. I didn't have to say anything, he just kinda knew.

Walkin' with him ain't so bad. He's real cautious and he sees stuff I'd miss. He's quiet. We don't talk much. I like it, though. It gives me time to appreciate things, like how that sky looked. How I could feel Daddy still with me.

We came up on another house. It was small but it looked pretty sturdy and safe. We probably would've missed it if we'd gone a few more feet around it, there wasn't much of anything around it except trees and tall grass. We went inside almost silently. The door was unlocked and Daryl and I split up to make sure it was all clear. Not a Walker in sight and not even a sign of any dead bodies. Almost too good to be true.

Daryl searched the bigger rooms while I searched the smaller ones. I found a bathroom and in a cabinet was a box of soap. It wasn't food but I was happy. Excited. You hardly ever come across soap out here. I hadn't washed with it since before the prison got attacked.

I searched for more but couldn't find any so I stuffed the box of soap in my bag and moved on to the bedroom. It had a big bed that I looked forward to sleepin' in. There's somethin' else you appreciate when you can find it.

Daryl came up behind me, eyein' the bed like I was. We exchanged knowing looks of excitement. My eyes got wide when I remembered what I'd found. "Found some soap," I said, lifting up my bag. I couldn't help but smile out of satisfaction with myself.

He nodded. "Found food. And this."

He held up what looked like a cigarette but I realized it wasn't. It was a marijuana joint. I didn't know how to answer so I just shrugged. He had a smirk on his face and I figured finding this joint was probably comparable to when they would find cigarettes on supply runs. They were hard to come by with the more time that passed so they were pretty much a treat to everyone... Well, to those who liked smokin'.

"What? You never drank before, I figured ya never done this either."

Of course he was right so I shook my head, raising an eyebrow skeptically. He smirked again and then slipped the joint into one of his vest pockets.

"We'll save it for later. How ya plan on usin' that soap?"

My spirits kinda dropped even though I shoulda known not to get too excited. He was right... we hadn't come across a real river or nothin' in days. All we'd found was some puddles and tiny creeks to refill our water bottles. But I wasn't about to lose hope on that one.

I straightened up my back and tried to look sure of myself. "I'm gonna go lookin' for a river tomorrow. There's gotta be somethin' around here. We ain't found anythin' in days."

He nodded. "I'll help. Maybe we can find somethin' worth shootin' out there, too."

He went into the kitchen and I followed him in silence. This house was eerily quiet. I expected to start hearin' the sounds of a herd movin' through any minute. But maybe we'd actually found somewhere we could sleep in peace for a night.

We sat at the little kitchen table and ate canned food. Some of the cans we opened had already gone bad. But it was somethin'.

"Seems like as good a time as any to get rid o' this," Daryl said quietly after we'd finished eating. He almost grumbles half the time and I usually have to strain to hear him. But I don't mind.

He pulled out the marijuana joint and set it on the table between our empty cans. He reached into another pocket and pulled out a pack of maybe 4 matches that he must've found. I watched him light the joint and take a long drag off of it. The look on his face was surprising to me. He suddenly looked calm, maybe even relaxed, if just for a moment. He didn't even look that peaceful when he was sleepin'.

He took another long drag before exhaling a big cloud of smoke. It didn't smell bad or sting like cigarette smoke. Then he held the joint out to me. I thought, why the hell not? I could be dead tomorrow anyway.

I never smoked before so I wasn't sure what I was doin', but Daryl told me to inhale it all and hold it in, so that's what I did. I ended up coughing and sputtering for a little while but the second inhale wasn't so bad.

We sat in silence and passed it back and forth. I kinda enjoyed blowing the smoke out, watchin' it roll away in the darkness. The moon cast a dim glow over us through the window next to the table.

I got kinda light-headed. But I also got kinda... worry-free. Like things weren't so bad after all. At least not for the moment.

"When that... tweaker guy... put that gun to your head... Did you get scared? That you were gonna die?"

I'd been thinkin' about the night before and my close encounter with that legless Walker. It kept creepin' back up on me.

"Of course. But that was before all this. I never had to worry about much except what Merle wanted from me, let alone my own life. Never crossed my mind that I could die like that till I was just a trigger away from it," he answered right before taking another hit from the dwindling joint.

I thought for a minute. "Yeah. I'm... thankful. That you were awake. I've gotten close to 'em before but I'm always fightin' back. That was... different. I was real close. Too close."

"Let's just be glad it turned out the way it did." He didn't make eye contact with me, just kept starin' at the joint in his hand as it was burning down to the end.

It almost seemed like it was as bad of a memory for him as it was becoming for me. But I shrugged it off.

I felt tired now but I also felt more... lonely. I reminded myself I had Daryl right there, but I couldn't stop thinkin' about Maggie again.

"Y'know, it's weird... I keep thinkin' that, maybe, one day they'll find a cure for all this and... and I'll get to go back home to the farm and Daddy would be there and Maggie and Glenn... Shawn... Otis... Everyone. But I have to remind myself they're all gone. For good."

He was silent for a moment. I sniffled, not wanting to cry again. "I know... Sometimes I still worry what Merle'd think of me. What he'd say. But I have to remember he ain't comin' back this time."

I nodded, glancing at his face and seeing his eyes glisten. I glanced back down at the table. "I still feel my daddy watchin' over me. Stayin' with me. Protecting me."

"...Nah, that's me."

I was struck silent at that one. I wondered if he'd ever stop making comments like that about Daddy. Or maybe that's just how Daryl is. Maybe he meant it in a different way than it came out. I'm not sure.

I decided to change the subject. "You wanna take first shift so I can sleep for a little?"

He stood up after putting out what was left of the joint, picking up his bag and crossbow. "Figured we could just share it. Ain't nothin' gettin' into that room without wakin' us up anyhow."

I was kinda surprised. He never suggested we both sleep at the same time. But we also hadn't had the chance to sleep in an actual house with walls and doors until now.

"Um... alright," I was reluctant at the idea of sharin' the bed but it didn't scare me out of it. I wanted to sleep in it just as bad as he did.

We took off our shoes in the bedroom after he made sure the house was secure and locked. We even closed the bedroom door to be safe. He had his crossbow right beside him on one edge of the bed. I laid down on the other side and we both faced opposite directions. I heard him let out a deep breath and I curled my legs up and closed my eyes. I tried to take in as much of that "high" feeling as I could. It was a nice little escape. I felt more relaxed than I had since I slept in the prison.

I haven't slept more than 30 minutes at a time since the farm. Even in my bed in my own cell at the prison, I'd wake up at least 15 different times. I usually wake up short of breath, sweaty, searching for sights or sounds of footsteps or the growls and moans of the dead.

The first time I woke up, we were both lyin' exactly as we had been when we fell asleep. I listened but there was still silence all around me. Daryl's breathing was steady. He was still asleep. I drifted back off for another half hour or so. When I woke up again, Daryl had moved. He'd rolled over and was facing my back now. I assured myself everything was still safe and fell back to sleep.

I felt something touch my arm and jerked awake. My heart was pounding and I was about to jump up when I realized it was still quiet. I felt my arm and found Daryl's hand there. I looked back and saw him still asleep, scooted slightly closer to me and one arm thrown out towards me so his hand rested on top of me. I let out a sigh of relief and relaxed again. It didn't feel weird. In fact, it felt... nice. I missed sleeping in bed with my momma, when I was little. Or Maggie, not so terribly long ago. It was a kind of comfort I wasn't used to out here and I soaked it in while I could.

I carefully rolled over, trying not to move his arm or disturb him. I slid myself closer to him until I could feel his warmth and I snuggled down into the pillow, curled up beneath his arm. His breaths were still deep and steady and I matched them until I drifted off again.

I slept until sunrise.

_-E.G._


	3. Entry 3

**Entry #3**

I wanted to finish writin' down everything that happened in that little house we found, but I was too tired to keep the pen movin'.

Anyway, I woke up to sunlight fillin' the little bedroom and no Daryl in sight. I panicked for a minute but then relaxed when I realized the door was closed again and his shoes and crossbow were gone. He must've snuck out of bed without wakin' me up somehow.

I put my own shoes back on and left the bedroom. I searched the house but still couldn't find him. He had, however, laid out a little breakfast for me of what was left of the canned food we'd found. I smiled and sat down at the table to enjoy it. Somedays I felt like I could go forever without eatin', but then other days I felt like I could eat everything we might find in one sitting. This was one of those days when I was just ravished.

I was fishin' out the scraps from the bottom of my last can when I heard the door open. I jumped up and moved to the wall quickly, but Daryl came around the corner so I relaxed again.

"Found somethin' for ya," he stated, slinging his crossbow over his shoulder.

How long you been out there alone? You coulda woke me up," I said.

He shrugged. "Couple hours. Figured you could use the sleep. You looked pretty peaceful."

I blushed a little, realizing he'd probably found me cuddled up under his arm when he woke up.

"Besides, I can take care of myself. And ain't no Walkers bustin' into this place without wakin' ya up."

I shrugged and decided he was right but I still felt kinda bad that he went out alone when I said I would help look. "So what'd ya find?"

He smirked and motioned for me to follow him back out the door. "Come look."

He led me outside and through a windy path between trees. We walked in silence for probably a mile before we could see anything but trees everywhere. It cleared up and before I knew it, we were a couple hundred yards away from a river.

An actual river! A runnin', flowin' river with currents and clean water and big rocks and everything! I was so excited I didn't even realize the huge grin that had spread across my face. I looked at Daryl and saw him watchin' me. He looked pretty pleased with himself.

"This is amazing," was all I could manage to say. I was beyond excited to submerge myself in that water, to wash some of this Walker blood off me and my clothes.

"There was a couple Walkers stuck in the mud over there," he motioned to the right of us, near the bank of the river on our side. "But I took 'em out and dragged 'em off somewhere else so ya don't gotta look at 'em."

My heart fluttered a little. Of course there were Walkers... but we hadn't seen any on our walk up here and if he already took care of the ones that were hangin' out over here, maybe we'd be safe enough to wash ourselves.

He pulled off the bag that was hangin' over his shoulder and reached in, handing me a few empty bottles. "Here, fill these up so we got somethin' to drink. I'll fill the rest up and then we can go back for the soap and food."

I eagerly obliged and juggled the bottles in my hand, rushing to the river bank and crouchin' down to fill them all up. Once we were done, we hauled them with us back to the house. We did another once-over to make sure there wasn't anymore food or supplies we could use. I kinda hoped I would find some secret stash of laundry detergent but in the end, I figured I'd just have to use a little of the soap I'd already found. Oh well, not like I hadn't done that before. It was still better than no soap.

Daryl headed for the front door but I lingered outside the bedroom for just a minute. I gazed longingly at that big, comfy bed, unsure of when we'd ever come across somethin' so nice again. In my head, I thanked it and those dingy walls for givin' me the best night's sleep I've had since before I watched my farm burn down.

I turned around and headed for the door to see Daryl had stopped to watch me. "Don't worry. It won't be the last nice place we sleep."

I gave him a smile, unsure of how he was able to read my mind sometimes, and we left the house.

When we got to the river, I offered to wash our clothes while Daryl bathed. He stripped down to his boxers and just about ran to a spot a few hundred feet away where the water was about 4 feet deep and the current was calm. I waited till he was in the water and focused on himself before stripping down to my bra and underwear. I found a good rock to lay the clothes out on and started soapin' them up. It took a lot of scrubbing to get some of the dirt and blood out of our clothes. Some of it was permanently stained but by the time I'd finished Daryl's clothes, I brought them to my nose to take in the smell of clean laundry. It wasn't like the smell I loved so much when I'd take the clothes off the line at the farm, and I had to set them out on rocks to let the sun dry them, but it was still so nice. Just to smell somethin' that wasn't decaying flesh or rotting food was a blessing. I started scrubbin' my own clothes, not even realizing I was smiling to myself. I looked over to check on Daryl. His back was turned towards me and he was focused on washing his hair. I could tell he was enjoying bathing just as much as I was going to.

I looked down to lay out the shirt I'd finished washing and pick up another piece of clothing to start on. Somethin' moved in the corner of my eye, towards the direction Daryl was in, and I looked over. He was dipping his head under the water and scrubbin' his scalp, his back turned toward the river bank, where his crossbow lay. But I realized he wasn't alone.

Just a few feet behind him was a bloated, mud-covered Walker. We figured out later that it had somehow gotten buried beneath a bunch of mud under the water and had fought its way out and to the surface when Daryl started bathing right near it.

I dropped the clothes and soap in my hands and stood up, yellin' Daryl's name as loud as I could, tryin' to get his attention. But he couldn't hear me over the sounds of the river and his back was turned towards me as well as the Walker that was quickly approaching him.

My instincts kicked in and I grabbed my knife and sprinted, wearin' nothing but my bra and undies. I don't think I've ever run so fast in my life. The mud of the river bank tried to bog me down, but I fought against it. Just as I entered the water, I yelled again.

"DARYL! WALKER!

He spun around just in time to come face-to-face with the muddy Walker. He tried to step back but the Walker reached out and they ended up with locked hands, Daryl tryin' to push the biting corpse off of him without losin' his footing. It was pushin' them both closer and closer to the stronger current of the river and away from the bank. I knew it'd all be over if Daryl fell back.

I was pushin' as hard as I could against the water, knife in hand, to get to Daryl. It was almost neck-deep on me when I was finally just a couple feet away. I planted my feet and pushed myself up out of the water as hard as I could, jumping up and diving at the back of the Walker, knife-first. The blade sunk into its skull with a sickening squishing sound and it went motionless.

Daryl shoved it off of him after I pulled my blade back out and it fell beneath the depths of the current, sinking down and beginning to float down river. I stared at him with shaky hands and he wrapped a strong arm around my waist, pickin' me up and pullin' me back to the bank before I realized what was happening. We stepped out into the mud and I sat down, tryin' to catch my breath. He stepped back into the ankle-deep water and looked down at me. I looked up to see he was clean from his chest down but had blood and mud spattered across his face and neck, his wet hair plastered to his forehead and neck. I was relieved to see he was free of any bite marks. He was breathin' heavy.

"Thanks..."

I realized my bra was basically see-through at this point so I crossed my arms, feelin' a bit embarrassed. I panted out, "No problem."

We took a moment to catch our breaths. I was startin' to think my heart might beat right out of my chest.

"Didn't expect that. I shoulda checked the bottom of this thing before goin' in like that. It was my mistake," he muttered, looking around.

I shrugged. "Who coulda expected that?"

He didn't say anything, stepping back and letting the water get higher and higher around him. "I'm about done, just gotta wash this damn blood off me now... I'll keep a closer eye when you're in here. Them clothes clean?"

I nodded and stood up, picking my knife up out of the mud and rinsing it in the water.

I went back and finished scrubbing the clothes clean, but my hands wouldn't stop shakin'. I kept lookin' over at Daryl every few seconds, making sure he was okay. I wasn't scared of Walkers so much as I was scared of what could've happened to him. What would I even do without him? I like to think I can take care of myself but in the long run, I know I won't make it. I'll never be as old as Daddy was. I'll be lucky to make it to Maggie's age. Even with Daryl watchin' my back.

I had just finished layin' the last of our outfits out to dry in the sun when Daryl came back over. His clothes were almost dry from the hot Georgia sun so he slipped his pants on and held his crossbow securely over his bare shoulder. I avoided making eye contact, still feeling too exposed.

"Go wash yourself, girl," he told me.

I obeyed and went over to where he'd been bathing. I stepped into the water cautiously, feeling around in the mud with my toes, one hand gripping my knife just in case. Once I felt safe enough, I set it on a flat rock next to me and soaped up with the last of the soap. Unfortunately for us, Daryl lost what soap he hadn't used during his struggle with the Walker.

I miss being able to bathe fully nude. I got too used to it at the prison. Out here, though, you don't get that kind of privacy. Even if I wasn't with Daryl, I wouldn't want to expose myself that much. Just in case somethin' happened.

It felt so good to wash my hair. That's somethin' else I wanna remember... How it felt with that cool water in my hair, scrubbing all the dirt and sweat and blood and grease out... Knowin' Daryl wasn't far away. I could feel his eyes on me and it gave me a sense of safety. I knew he was wary now but I also wanted to prove to him that I can take care of myself if I need to.

Our feet didn't get very clean considerin' we stepped out of water and right into mud, but your foot hygiene is about the least of your worries out here. I think we were both grateful beyond words just to have found a river.

I stood in the cool mud of the river bank and closed my eyes for a second, my knife in my hand, lettin' the sun soak its way through my skin and into my bones. I opened my eyes and glanced over at Daryl to see him starin' at me. He looked away as soon as our eyes met. I smiled to myself and walked back over to join him.

He wouldn't look at me again until I'd slipped on my damp jeans and shirt, and even then he only nodded in acknowledgement. We both sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the warmth of the sun and the gentle breeze blowin' through our wet hair.

I gazed up at the sky and thought about Daddy again. I don't think I could describe to you how many times a day I think about him. Sometimes it makes me wanna cry. Sometimes I do. Most of the time, I just hold it in, though.

I got pretty lost in my thoughts and when I looked back over at Daryl, I caught him starin' at me. He didn't look away this time. He just smiled. I smiled back. He threw an arm over my shoulder and I leaned into him.

"Good day to be alive," he mumbled

I didn't say anything... but I was thinkin' the same thing.

_-E.G._

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**A/N:** Do you guys think Beth's full first name is Elizabeth or something else, like Bethany? I wrote this story and ended each entry with "E.G.", just kind of assuming that Beth's formal name is Elizabeth but then I saw some people say that it's probably Bethany so I was wondering what your opinions are :)


	4. Entry 4

**A/N: **As you can see, this chapter is considerably longer. I actually wrote it completely differently to begin with, then I remembered a bunch of things I wanted to include so I went back and rewrote the last half. I'll post the alternate version that I originally wrote after the story is finished, just as a little bonus, since I'm still pretty proud of how it turned out. Anyway, reviews are always appreciated, and if you think this chapter got a little too weird, feel free to let me know. I welcome all constructive criticism.

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**Entry #4**

I miss clocks. There's a kinda certainty in knowin' what time it is. I miss calendars, too. When you're out here, you lose count of days. I don't even know when my birthday is (although I'm pretty sure it already passed). Or what day Daddy died. Or Glenn and Maggie's anniversary. You just kinda guess by weather and sun position. But some nights you don't get to sleep. And some days drift by in a blur, just one close call to the next. So you lose track.

I don't know what time it was when I woke up. We'd left the river and walked until sundown. Daryl managed to get a couple squirrels and we still had a couple cans from the house to eat. I took the first shift while he slept for a few hours. I was restless. I felt better since I'd bathed and washed my clothes but I couldn't sleep. Daryl woke up and added a little kindling to the fire to keep it goin'. I laid down and closed my eyes, not expecting sleep to come. But it crept up on me.

When I woke up, it was still dark, but there were hints of a comin' sunrise in the sky. Daryl was starin' at the fire, glancing around every few seconds, crossbow resting between his legs. I blinked a few times and squinted at him, sittin' up.

"Mornin'," he grumbled.

"I'm starvin'," I realized.

"Sun'll be up soon. How 'bout you learn a few things today."

I was surprised. But he was right. I couldn't refuse that offer. If there was anyone to learn tracking and hunting from, it was Daryl. I smiled.

"That sounds like a good idea."

We waited until the sun was up and all the dark corners of the woods were visible again. I let him lead the way until he found the tracks of a small animal. It's a lot of small details and observin' little things most people wouldn't notice. But I'm startin' to get the grasp of it. We tracked down a rabbit together and he handed me the crossbow.

I raised my eyebrows at him, surprised. "You really gonna teach me now?"

He nodded. "Really."

He moved my hands to the correct positioning to hold the crossbow, standing close behind me and helpin' me line up my vision. His callused hands held onto mine with a strong confidence, and I took aim at the rabbit a couple yards away. It took a lot more to pull the trigger compared to pulling the trigger on a gun. It's a different kind of feelin' you get from it, too. I can see why Daryl always uses that thing.

I missed the rabbit by just inches and it got spooked, disappearing into the bushes.

"Damn," I cursed under my breath.

"That's alright, you were close," Daryl whispered, his head still right next to mine.

I managed to shoot a squirrel all on my own by the end. Daryl got another squirrel as well as a rabbit. We took 'em back to our camp and he tried to show me how to skin them. I didn't do very well on my squirrel but Daryl still cooked it and we had a pretty decent meal.

We were sittin' around as the last of the fire burnt out, enjoying the peace we'd somehow found lately. Not one Walker in a whole night is a blessing, if you ask me. It got me thinkin' to what we were gonna do next.

I wanted to learn more about tracking and use it to keep lookin' for the others. I know they're out there. And the sooner we find 'em, the better. I know for sure Maggie is out there lookin' for me, too. I decided to speak up.

"I think if we're both trackin', we can find the others. They're out there. We just gotta figure out which way they're headin'," I said, not lookin' up at Daryl until I'd finished talking.

He didn't say anything. He just stood up and stomped out the small embers that remained of our fire, then turned around and scooped all his things into his bag, throwing it over his shoulder and his crossbow over the other. I followed suit and grabbed my own small bag, eyein' him for signs of a reply. He started walkin' off and I didn't have much choice except to follow. I was still waiting for an answer. A disagreement. Anything.

That's the thing about Daryl. He's not like other people. When most people don't know what to say, they'll lie or they'll say somethin' just to fill the quiet. Daryl's perfectly comfortable with that quiet just bein' there. And if he don't wanna talk, I don't think there's a thing in the world that could get him to.

We walked for about half a mile before I spoke up again. "Where are we goin'?"

He didn't turn around to look at me, he just kept trudgin' on. "Wherever we can. Where there's food."

My heart dropped a little. "And then what? What if we find some? Or we don't?"

"Then we stop to eat. Spend the night. Or we keep lookin'."

I felt the anger buildin' up inside me but I tried to keep calm. I knew throwin' a fit of any kind would just make him even more stubborn. "Daryl, we can't keep goin' on like this. We gotta look. We gotta try."

I saw him shake his head. "Ain't gonna find nothin' you wanna see."

I was fuming inside, but we kept walking. Another half mile. And another. Probably another mile after that. A million things were runnin' through my head that I could say to him but I wanted to convince him, not fight with him.

Finally, I stopped. I stood and stared at his back, waiting for him to notice I wasn't following. He realized my footsteps had stopped and looked back. I was rooted in my spot and starin' at him defiantly.

"C'mon, princess. We're losin' daylight."

I narrowed my eyes. I hate when he calls me that. It's just to mock me. "How will we ever know if we don't look? Maggie's all I got now. I gotta find her. I can't leave her out there thinkin' I'm dead."

He turned fully around to face me now and stepped closer until he was only about a foot away. His eyes were locked with mine and one hand was gripping the crossbow over his shoulder. When he spoke, it was low, almost a growl. "You still think I don't give a shit about them? Any of 'em? You think I ain't TRIED? I'm the one doin' shit while yer starin' up at the sky, like yer waitin' fer some kinda miracle to fall outta the clouds. I've left signs. I've left clues. If they're lookin' fer us, they'll find us. Maggie's all you got? Well that happens. Merle was all I had and I'm doin' just fine without him. I'M all you got now, princess. There ain't no rescue party comin'."

My eyes started wellin' up with tears but I forced 'em back. "They can't track like you, Daryl. They don't see things like you do. You're wastin' it all just livin' to survive."

"That's what this is, Beth," he snapped at me. "It's survivin'. There ain't no perfect farm somewhere far off that we'll settle down into. There ain't no group of carin' people to take us in. It's us and everything that wants to kill us. And if you think all the people you cared about at the prison are still out there somewhere in one piece, then yer dreamin'."

I forced back more tears. "Why did we leave like that...? We didn't even try to find anyone else to come with us, we don't know who's alive and who ain't. We got no idea who else made it out."

"Yeah, and we also got no idea which way they mighta went. Even if they're still alive, they could be halfway to damn Florida by now!" he hissed. I could tell he wanted to yell at me but was tryin' to keep calm in case there were Walkers nearby.

"But why, Daryl? We left! We left all of 'em!" I couldn't help myself anymore, my voice was gettin' louder the more I tried to keep it in.

"We had no choice, Beth! We woulda DIED if we'd stayed there! We didn't have the chance to go look for the others. We'd've ended up just like yer damn dad!"

A knot formed in my throat and I couldn't swallow back my tears anymore. A couple rolled down my cheeks but I wiped them away hurriedly. "You made me leave... You forced me to abandon everyone!"

His eyes narrowed and I saw his jaw stiffen. His voice was low but it stung more than his loudest yell when he spoke. "I didn't make you do nothin'."

His words hurt mostly 'cause I knew he was right. I didn't think about it. I just left with him. I did what I was told. He said we had to go... I didn't know it would mean all this. I had no idea.

I was just about to snap back at him when we heard voices. Yellin'. We both froze and gave each other that look and I knew now wasn't the time to keep arguin'. My eyes dried fast and I switched into survival mode. That's somethin' I've had to learn to do, and quickly. There's not a lotta time for emotions out here. Not when it's just the two of us.

He motioned for me to stay close to him and I stood at his side as he got his crossbow out and prepared. I followed suit, unsheathin' my knife.

A few dozen yards away, much closer than we expected but almost impossible to see through all the trees and brush, was a little camp with maybe half a dozen people. We hid behind trees and moved slowly as we got closer, following what seemed like screams for help from two women. I mirrored the concern that showed in Daryl's eyes each time we heard another scream and he'd glance back at me.

We crouched behind a tree and kept our distance, close enough to figure out what was goin' on. They had traps lined up for Walkers and a couple tents. There was trash and clothing and bullet casings scattered all over the ground. I saw 4 men: 2 of 'em couldn't have been older than 25 and were standin' silently with their backs to us, guns at their hips. The other 2 looked well into their 40s and one was standin' over a pair of women while the other held a gun pointed at them right behind him. The women couldn't have been much older than me or Maggie... And he was beatin' 'em. Fiercely. Their clothes were ripped and their faces were bloody and they were cryin' and screamin' for help but it was obvious all the men were in on whatever was going on.

I glanced over at Daryl and saw him narrowing his eyes, his crossbow aimed towards the camp. I noticed his knuckles were turning white from grippin' the weapon so hard.

"We gotta do somethin'," I whispered as quietly as I could.

"I don't think we should... We're outnumbered," he growled back, but he wasn't taking his eyes off the scene before him. "And outgunned..."

I leaned closer and whispered into his ear, "I know you wanna help just as bad as I do."

He gave me a look like I was right. Before he had a chance to argue, I leaned over again and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before motioning for him to stay there as I walked away, our argument the farthest thing from our heads. We had to do somethin', and I wasn't about to let Daryl lead me away from this. It was people in need, people who needed our help. What's the point of survivin' if you're only lookin' out for yourself? He looked real doubtful and a bit angry that I was puttin' him in a situation he couldn't control, but stayed behind the tree, keepin' low with his crossbow at the ready. I crouched and snuck behind trees to the other edge of the camp so one of us would be on either side.

I was out of sight of the camp and Daryl so I made sure to be aware of my surroundings. It's easy to get caught off guard by a Walker when you're walkin' on your own. That's one thing I think Daryl has taught me really well. It's even more dangerous when you have to worry about the living, too.

I was close to the other edge of the camp and I began sneakin' closer so I could show up without alerting anyone, keepin' the constant threat of bein' eaten in the back of my mind. The first thing I noticed was that the birds had gone quiet. I stopped and looked around, my knife hand ready and waitin'. But I didn't hear the telltale moans or growls of a Walker or the clumsy stumblin' through leaves. In fact, I didn't hear anything. It was dead silent. Even the yelin' at the camp had quieted to a lower volume.

A stick snapped a few feet behind me and I spun around, not sure if I should suspect a person or a Walker or maybe even Daryl. But there was nothin'.

I went to turn around again and continue walking when somethin' grabbed me from behind. But it wasn't dead. It was a person. A sweaty hand covered my mouth before I could even start to make any kinda sound and a strong arm wrapped around my middle, completely overpowerin' me. I clutched my knife tighter than ever and tried to stab behind me, hoping to stick into some part of whoever it was. I didn't recognize the smell and I knew it wasn't Daryl. This guy's hand smelled like death and old food, feces and body odor. I finally swiped somethin' with my knife when I heard him yelp with pain right behind my ear. He unwrapped his arm from around me and slapped the knife outta my hand, grabbing me by the middle again as soon as it hit the ground a few feet away. I felt him put his mouth right next to my ear and his hot, disgusting breath sent chills down my spine.

"You just be a good lil' girl and I won't hurt ya," he whispered, his voice low and rough like he'd smoked too many cigarettes in his lifetime. I knew it was one of the older men from the camp. "I'll even forget about that knick ya just gave me."

I was more angry than scared but I knew it was no use strugglin'. I decided to let him try and take me back to the camp. Even if we got there, Daryl was on the other side, watchin', and he'd see me. I was still hopeful.

He led me through the trees and out of hiding, and the other men stopped what they were doin' and turned to watch us walk over the traps that were set up.

"Look what I found, boys!" The repulsive man holdin' onto me announced it like I was some kinda prize. What disgusted me more was that they all looked at me like I was, too.

They were all smiles on dirt-covered faces. Blood-smeared clothes and the overwhelming reek of body odor and Walker guts. They eyed me up and down, lookin' at me the way someone would look at a juicy steak. But somehow worse.

"Well look at that... So there are some cute ones left! I'll be damned. How'd you manage to find her all on her own?" The older man spoke first, his voice not much unlike my capturer's.

I glanced down at the women still cowering behind him and his gun that was still pointed at them, our eyes meeting. They looked desperate and starved, but as they saw me bein' held hostage, I noticed somethin' new show up in their eyes... Fear. Not for themselves, but for me.

"Found her sneakin' around not far from here. I think she was gonna try somethin' on us," the man tightening his grasp around me answered. "She sure wasn't quiet too long ago. Thought I heard a girl's voice yellin' somewhere nearby."

"The hell is that? What'd you do to yerself?" The older man pointed to my kidnapper's cut, although I wasn't sure what I'd cut on him, I still knew it had to be what he was talkin' about.

"Shit, she's a feisty one. Had a knife and cut me before I could get it out of her hands," he explained.

One of the younger men laughed at him, commenting,"Lil' girl made ya bleed, did she, Duke?"

Duke grunted in reply. I squirmed in his grasp, tryin' to catch him off guard and get a chance to run away, but he only held on tighter.

I realized the other younger man I'd seen earlier was missing. I glanced around but couldn't see him anywhere. My question was answered too soon when he appeared from behind the trees on the side of the camp Daryl had been hidin'. He was dragging an unconscious body with him, clearly strugglin'. My heart dropped when I recognized it as Daryl... his crossbow was over the other man's shoulder now as he drug the motionless Daryl a few feet closer before leaving him lyin' there. I could see his face and knew he was still alive... There was no blood and his chest rose and fell with breaths. A part of me relaxed.

"Oh, look what the cat dragged in," the man pointing the gun at the women commented. "Ya actually found what I told ya to find for once, Benny. I think that earns you a round with one o' these dirty whores."

He motioned toward the women and the man he'd referred to as grinned like an idiot. "Yeah, how 'bout that new one? I found her little friend, only right I get her first."

Duke objected from behind me while I stared intently at Daryl, silently pleadin' with him to wake up.

"Hell no! I caught this one myself, I get her first," Duke argued. His voice made me sick to my stomach. "He can have one o' those nasty bitches. We're just gonna kill 'em soon, anyhow. Can't drag 'em behind us when we leave."

The other younger man piped up, "Yeah, an' this one we can throw over our shoulder and take her wherever we want."

They all laughed like my life was one big joke to them. And I'm certain that it was.

"I ain't goin' anywhere with you," I finally said, lookin' at 'em each one-by-one. "You're gonna have to kill me first."

"Nah," Duke chuckled behind me. "We'll just kill yer boyfriend."

My eyes widened as I watched the older man turn his gun away from the women and towards the unconscious Daryl. They all watched me expectantly.

"You won't kill anyone," I challenged him, forcing a smirk to make him think I was confident and could outsmart him. Without Daryl, I had to think of what he would do in this situation. "Probably ain't even got any bullets."

"Oh, is that so, princess?" I winced at the gun-toting man's mocking nickname. "At the risk of gettin' a few Biters comin' this way... well, I think I'd risk just about anythin' to see what's under those jeans o' yours."

He spoke so nonchalantly, like this was all just a game to him. Then he turned his gun from Daryl back to the women, and before I even realized his finger was actually on the trigger, he shot the older of the two straight through the chest. The other woman screamed in agony and held the lifeless body as blood pooled in the dirt beneath them. I was speechless. My eyes welled up with tears.

I'd wanted to help and now all I'd done was gotten one of the women killed.

Now I'm not stupid or weak, if that's what this sounds like. I knew what they were plannin' on doing with me. I knew exactly what they wanted. I could see in those women's eyes what they'd already done to them. But I wasn't about to let it happen that easily. I was ready to die before lettin' them have their way with me. But these men were strong. Even the older one holdin' me was too strong for me to overpower. They were hardened from bein' survivors, from livin' off canned food and wild animals and killin' something or someone daily. What was I supposed to do? Daryl was passed out, I started panicking. What if they killed him? And for what, the slim chance that I'd get away and survive?

"Still don't believe me? Or do I gotta -"

"No, I-I do," I gave in, my voice shakin'. "Just don't hurt anyone else. Please. I'll do whatever you want..."

I couldn't stand to be the reason Daryl or this innocent woman were killed. If they wanted their way with me that bad, they could have it. It'd been my idea to help these women in the first place and now one of them was dead because of me. I wasn't about to be the reason they killed Daryl, too.

He was smilin' with satisfaction at me when the younger woman suddenly leapt to her feet, leavin' the body of the other woman lying in the dirt. She ran away from the man holdin' the gun. I wasn't sure what her plan was. I'm still not. It bothers me to think about it... To think that she was so far at the end of her rope and that her only chance for survival was to just run. Maybe with the other woman dead, she just didn't care anymore. Maybe they had been sisters...

"Shit, John, she's makin' a run for it!" Benny cried out.

spun around and pointed his gun at her back. I shut my eyes but I still heard the shot and the hard thump of a body hittin' the ground. When I opened them again, I saw that she didn't even make it thirty feet away.

"Damn!" John cursed, lowering his gun to his side as he looked from one dead body to the next. "Gonna have to do somethin' 'bout these 'fore they come back."

He spoke as if they weren't even people. Like he hadn't just taken two innocent lives for absolutely no good reason. Tears rolled down my cheeks before I knew they were there.

"I got it," Benny volunteered, walkin' away from Daryl's side and to the woman who'd just been shot. He pulled Daryl's crossbow from his back and aimed it down at the woman's head, shootin' an arrow through it before turnin' around to see all of us watchin' him. He looked proud of himself as he held the crossbow up.

"I think I like this thing," he announced. I grimaced. The weapon looked wrong in his hands.

"Ain't much of a loss," John stated. "I think we used those two up about as good as we could."

I wanted to throw up at the sound of his voice, the way he talked about the women like they weren't people, like they were just objects to be used and weren't any good to him or his boys anymore.

They turned back to face me and I glanced over to Daryl. But my heart leapt when I saw nothin' except a flattened patch of grass and leaves where he'd been lying just moments before.

"Aw shit," John said, seeing what I'd seen. He turned on Benny. "Where the hell'd he go, dipshit?!"

Benny's eyes got wide and he dashed to the other younger man's side, lookin' around. "He was right here! Weren't y'all watchin' him?!"

"Shit, Kyle, you were right there the whole time, how the hell'd ya not see him get up?" John accused the other younger man, who shrugged his shoulders in response.

"I was watchin' him use the crossbow! Damn," argued. I got the impression he wasn't the brightest one in the group.

They cursed at each other and placed blame for a good minute before Duke shoved me forward, his knee hard in my back. I fell to my knees and John approached me, lookin' down at me with his gun clenched at his side.

"Looks like yer boyfriend bailed on ya, sweetheart," he spoke low, a foreboding tone to his voice. "An' we got his only weapon. Y'know what that means."

I looked up at him through tears. I tried to stay strong. I hoped Daryl'd come back for me. But what if he didn't? What if he'd taken his chance and left? It was my idea that got us in this predicament in the first place and it was my loud mouth that had gotten two women killed. I wouldn't blame him if he really had bailed.

Duke shoved me down till I was flat on the ground, then rolled me over. I struggled and fought to get up, but Benny handed the crossbow over to Kyle and helped hold me down. Between the two of 'em, I barely had room or strength to breathe. They laughed as they held down my arms and Duke sat on my legs. I begged The Lord for a miracle. Prayed for some ungodly strength to fight my way outta this. But they were so much damn stronger than me.

I started screamin' at the top of my lungs and kickin' my feet as hard as I could. Duke pushed his weight down onto my legs so I could barely move 'em anymore and Benny held my arms down hard against the ground, cuttin' off circulation to my hands. They started goin' numb and I kept screaming. For the first time in my life, I prayed for a herd of Walkers to hear me.

"Shut that bitch up 'fore she gets a whole herd o' Biters comin' this way," John demanded from above me.

Duke put a dirty finger over my mouth. "Quiet now, darlin'. You'll enjoy this, too."

I opened my mouth wide and bit into his finger with my front teeth as hard as I could. He cried out in pain and jerked his hand back, scraping some skin off because I wouldn't let up on my bite. I spit out the tiny bits of skin I felt between my teeth as he cradled his injured finger.

"Son of a BITCH!" he yelled angrily.

He whipped out a dirty, blood-covered bandanna from his back pocket and shoved it in my mouth so far that I couldn't manage to wriggle it out. I could taste the cotton, the coppery blood and salty sweat. I gagged. The smell was overpowering and I wanted to throw up and scream myself hoarse at the same time, but all I could manage were choked sobs. Tears poured down the sides of my face and into my hair and ears. Rocks and sticks scratched at the back of my neck and dug into my spine.

Duke's dirty, callused hands lifted both my shirts up and exposed my bra. I felt him unbuckling my belt and I gagged again. His touch felt like bugs crawlin' all over my skin. It sent an ice cold chill straight through my bones. I shut my eyes tight but I could still hear Benny and Kyle's laughter, John's hoarse-throated demands, Duke's low, evil chuckling... I lifted my eyelids through tears and looked up at him as he ran his hands up and down my bare torso. His skin was scratchy and rough. I pleaded with him with my eyes, but he only looked back with malicious hunger. The only soulless eyes I ever looked into were those of Walkers, but now I knew I was lookin' into real, living eyes with nothin' behind 'em but evil. This man was worse than any Walker I'd ever encountered. He was hungry in a way they'd never be. He didn't just want my dignity and my life, he wanted every little thing inside of me that was worth somethin' and I knew he'd take it before he'd ever do me the pleasure of just killin' me.

This man wanted me to suffer. Just like those poor women I'd tried to help.

I couldn't stand it anymore. I was gettin' weak and numb from struggling so long, every rough-voiced chuckle wore into my soul and my eyes burned with tears and sweat. I shut them tight again, still prayin' with every ounce of hope or faith I had left in me.

My sobs were makin' my whole body shake now. I kept my eyes shut and tried to think. A hundred different ways to get away ran through my head but I knew none of 'em would work. Would Daryl ever come back for me? I was honestly startin' to think he'd left me.

I suddenly saw his face in the darkness of my eyelids. I saw the flames of the house we'd burnt down, and I saw his shy smile that was lit up with moonshine on that porch. I saw our dirty hands clasped together and I felt the breathlessness of runnin' for miles on end without stopping. I saw my daddy's face and his smile that I missed so much, that little sparkle in his eyes behind all the gray hair. I saw Maggie's happy face as she stood next to Glenn. I heard Daryl's low voice somewhere far off in the distance, a mumble that sounded like, "I got ya, Beth." Even though he'd never said that to me... it was like I could hear it clear as day, even over the inhumane sounds these men above me were making as they continued to grope me.

Then the laughter stopped. I opened my eyes and looked around frantically. Duke had stood up and feeling was rushin' back through my legs. Benny's hold on my arms lightened and I felt the circulation comin' back. I realized they were all lookin' towards Kyle, who'd been standin' behind Benny. They were all yellin' at each other at once and I took my chance.

I yanked my hands free from Benny and he glanced down just in time to see me wriggle out from underneath Duke's standing body and jump to my feet. I watched a booted foot come from nowhere and kick Benny in his side so hard that he fell to the ground. My shirts fell back into place over my torso and I pulled the bandanna from my mouth and tossed it to the ground, my eyes lookin' up to meet Daryl's. We only locked gazes for a split second but his eyes asked a million questions. I gave him a nod of assurance that I was okay before he looked back over his crossbow towards what it was aimed at... John's head.

I glanced around and realized Daryl had ambushed 'em. I can't even describe to you the kinda relief and joy that rushed through my veins. Kyle was lyin' on the ground behind Daryl, starin' ahead with empty eyes. I recognized the handle of my knife sticking out from the side of his skull. Daryl had found my knife and killed him, reclaiming his crossbow, which he now had pointed at John. John was aimin' his gun back at Daryl, and Duke stood just behind me while Benny lay on the ground where Daryl had kicked him to. They obviously hadn't expected to be outsmarted by a crossbow-totin' redneck.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to bring a crossbow to a gun fight?" John laughed as Daryl stared at him over his weapon. "Get the hell up, Benny, you stupid shit."

Benny fumbled for a moment before getting to his feet, whippin' his pistol from its holster and pointin' it at Daryl with an obvious lack of confidence. We were all at a stand-still, just waitin' to see which of 'em would pull their trigger first.

"I'll shoot ya where ya stand, boy, and not even bat an eye," John was tryin' to intimidate him but it wasn't workin'. "Don't forget we still got yer unarmed lil' girlfriend right here."

It was as if Duke was takin' an order. As soon as he'd realized I was standing near him, he swooped over to grab me again, but I was more prepared than he'd thought. I ducked and avoided his grasp, grabbin' his gun straight from the holster at his hip. I rose to a full stance behind him and aimed the gun straight at his head, steadyin' it in my hands.

We may have been outnumbered, but we weren't outgunned anymore.

John laughed, still actin' like it was all a joke but not lettin' his eyes leave Daryl. "Girl's smarter than I gave her credit for."

"You know there'll be Walkers here any minute," Daryl growled. "I suggest ya put your guns down and we part ways."

I heard traces of Rick in his voice. Maybe the old sheriff had rubbed off on Daryl in a way. I expected more bloodshed than this. And it may sound bad of me, but I had kinda hoped for it, too. I wanted to see these men get what they had comin' to 'em, for what they did to those women and what they had been about to do to me.

"Ain't nobody leavin' here alive unless it's me an' my boys," John argued, his eyes darting over to me. My hands were shaky and he noticed, smirking. He looked back to Daryl. "You mad that my boys stole yer piece o' ass?"

He didn't even have time to pull the trigger of his gun. I didn't realize what happened until I blinked and registered it. John barely got the words out of his mouth when Daryl took his chance. A bolt shot through the air and pierced the dirty old man's right eye. I watched the air leave his lungs before he dropped to the ground in a heap.

I don't think I've ever seen Daryl kill a living human without even blinkin' before that.

My breath was caught in my throat but somethin' in me was still in control and knew what I had to do. Benny still had his gun pointed at Daryl and was about to shoot, but I stepped over and kicked his feet out from under him as hard as I could. A gunshot rang through the air and my heart plummeted when I realized he'd pulled his trigger mid-fall. I saw Daryl duck and step back quickly and when he stood upright again, I searched him for signs of a bullet wound. He glanced down at his exposed forearm, just inches from his chest, and I realized he had a small cut from where the bullet had barely missed him. Relief rushed through me once again.

He turned his crossbow down towards Benny now and had it ready to shoot again in no time, barely givin' the kid time to see his fate before puttin' him down. Another bolt straight through the eye.

And then there was Duke.

He stood still, in shock, unarmed, eyes as wide as saucers. I smiled to myself from behind the gun and Daryl reloaded his crossbow. He turned on Duke and stared at him menacingly through his aim.

"You like screwin' around with lil' girls? Beatin' women?" He growled at Duke. I saw a spark of anger in his eyes that I've only seen a couple times before.

Duke laughed, that disgusting chuckle that sent chills all over my body, like a million insect legs on my skin. "Just shoot me, boy. I get it. I stole yer piece o' ass and yer pissed. So take me out like ya want to."

Daryl's eyes narrowed. I saw his finger hesitate on the trigger.

"Well I'll tell ya what," Duke continued, lowering his voice. "I don't regret a thing. Blondie over here's got some real nice, perky little - "

He hadn't even finished his sentence before Daryl had tossed his crossbow to the ground and yanked his knife from the front of his pant leg. He took a few big steps forward and swooped in before either of us could react, driving the blade into Duke's chest. Duke fell back with Daryl on top of him and I lowered my gun in shock as I watched him pull the knife out and shove it in again and again. Within seconds, Duke was bleeding everywhere, wounds covering his chest and his arms. But Daryl kept stabbin'.

"Daryl... Daryl! STOP!" I cried out. I couldn't tell if he didn't hear me or if he just didn't care but he kept stabbing, anger pourin' out of him.

My hands shook even more now and I raised the gun again, takin' aim on Duke's forehead. "DARYL!"

He'd stabbed him so many times, I lost count. I know it was more than 20. He finally yanked the knife out of the last wound he'd made in Duke's chest and in one quick, fluid motion, swiped it across his throat, opening it wide and lettin' the bright red blood spill out. Duke's eyes stared up in lifeless fear, his mouth opened in a silent scream for help.

Daryl stood up and wiped the blade of the knife across his jeans before replacing it in its sheath. He turned to me as if nothing had happened, panting out, "Only one bullet left in there."

I realized he was talkin' about the gun in my hands and I pulled the trigger. It was loud and kicked me back a few inches but when I steadied myself again, I saw that I'd made my target. More blood leaked from the new bullet hole in Duke's forehead. I dropped the gun to the ground and finally let the tears run down my face. I let the sobs take over my body. I couldn't even take it all in, it had happened so fast.

Daryl saved my life. And my dignity.

He approached me and reached out a blood-drenched hand, not sayin' a word. I took it shakily and collapsed into him, wrappin' my arms around him, and held him tight against me. I don't think he was sure how to react but he put his arms around me and let me sob into his shirt for a few moments.

I finally pulled it together and unwrapped my arms from around him, stepping back and hastily wipin' my face across my shirt sleeve. I shook my head and sniffled, muttering, "Sorry."

"Don't be. I'm not," he snapped.

He glanced down and then reached towards me. I looked down and realized he was buckling my belt that hung loosely off my jeans. I'd forgotten it was undone from Duke and I had the impulse to jump back at Daryl's sudden touch but I resisted, only flinching slightly. I watched as he used careful fingers to clasp it and pull it tight against my jeans before letting my shirt fall back over it.

"Now let's see what kinda shit they got and get outta here before the Walkers show up."

I nodded in agreement and we both looked around, makin' sure we weren't in danger just yet. Bodies riddled the ground of the camp. He pulled my knife from Kyle's head and handed it to me after collecting his bolts from the bodies of the men. I took it gratefully and we split up to search the tents.

I approached the middle of the camp, where the body of the first woman to get killed was still lying in a pool of blood. I leaned down and shut my eyes as I drove my knife through her skull and pulled it back out, ensuring she wouldn't be comin' back. My heart ached for her and the other woman. I still feel the weight of the guilt on me even as I write all this down.

Daryl was searchin' another tent a few feet away when I heard a strange noise. It almost sounded like the growls of a Walker but much quieter and almost pained. I followed the sound into a tent. The flaps were zipped shut. I pulled the zipper down cautiously, unsure of what I'd find. I held my knife steady, ready to defend myself. But nothin' emerged and there were no movements so I bent down and slipped into the tent.

There were blankets piled all over and in the farthest back corner, there was almost a little nest made up of blankets and pillows. I got down on my knees and crawled over to it. The sounds I'd heard were louder now and I could tell they were comin' from whatever was underneath this nest. I saw movement, like squirming. I reached out with shaky hands and delicately grabbed the corner of the blanket, pullin' it back.

My stomach almost dropped clear down to my feet. I let out a shaky breath and more tears welled up in my eyes just when I'd thought there was no way I even had anymore left.

I thought seein' my daddy die right in front of my eyes was the worst thing I'd ever seen, even through all the terrible and inhumane things I've witnessed since The Turn. But when I think about it, he had a full life. There's no ideal death left anymore. But he was surrounded by people who loved him and respected him and cared about him. He lived with meaning and intent and made his name somethin' worth living up to.

In that little tent, I realized what this world has really come to. I stared down at unfulfilled potential. The embodiment of an unsung life. An innocent soul stolen by evil and given to a monster, left to struggle and suffer for things it had never done.

It was a baby... SHE was a baby. All dressed in pink and spattered with blood. Maybe 6 months old. Her muscles were weak and untrained, she couldn't do anything but writhe and squirm in misery. Low growls came from her tiny throat, and her skin was pale as moonlight and cold to the touch. She sensed me there, smelled me there. Her eyes opened and looked up and I saw nothin'. Just emptiness. That empty, instinctual hunger that takes over every corpse.

I lowered my knife and looked down, tears pourin' from my eyes and soaking my shirt collar. I almost gave up right there. All I could think about was baby Judith and the women I'd tried to help. I could only imagine this baby had been one of theirs. It made everything so much worse, so much more painful.

I shook my head and tried to dry my eyes. I tried not to look as I reached over and pulled the blanket back over the baby's head. I raised my knife again but my hand was shakin' so bad at this point. I had to hold it right above the blanket, where I knew the baby's head was just underneath. I used my other hand to steady the knife, but they both kept shakin'. I took a deep breath and forced myself to focus. I knew I had to do it. I couldn't walk away from this.

I know I wasn't responsible for killin' that baby. She was dead long before I'd gotten there, probably a good few days. But it felt wrong to have to put her down. I don't blame those women for leavin' her like that. I couldn't imagine the pain they endured. I still can't. I know they did only what they could and I still regret not bein' able to help them like I'd wanted to. But I killed a part of myself in that tent. I put down a little bit of my own soul and I prayed to God to forgive me for the things I've had to do. I prayed that He take care of that innocent baby's soul.

I don't think I can ever forget what it felt like to slip that knife into such soft, defenseless skin and bone. It haunts me. My whole body hurts when I think about it and sometimes it feels like I'm chokin' on my own heart.

I pulled the knife out and dropped it, veiled in silence now. I bowed my head and said a sob-choked prayer for her. Sometimes I wonder if God is even listenin' anymore.

When I gathered my strength again, I grabbed my knife and turned around to escape the tent. My eyes met with Daryl's. He was crouched outside the tent. I don't know how long he'd been watchin' me. I slipped out and around him and stood up, shoving my knife back into the sheath at my belt.

"Ya alright?" he asked quietly, zipping the tent back up and turnin' to face me.

I wouldn't meet his eyes. I sniffled and nodded. "Yeah. Find anythin'?"

He shrugged. "Not much."

He held up two blankets he had draped over his arm and handed me one. He already knew what should be done. I walked over and placed it over the body of one of the dead women while he did the same with the other.

I know it's kinda pointless to do little stuff like that anymore. Respect for the dead. But it's respect for the living, really. For the human beings these bodies once were and all the people that loved 'em. It's just the nice stuff we gotta hang onto out here. We can't just forget about it.

"Let's get outta here."

I eagerly agreed and we left the camp. I didn't look back until it was well out of sight.

The Walkers brought on by the gunshots ended up catchin' up with us not long after we left the camp but we managed to lose 'em. I only had to put down two to keep from gettin' bitten, but it seemed like Daryl was jumpin' in front of me a little more than usual.

He didn't ask about what I'd found in the tent and I still don't know if he saw. But he didn't say anything. We actually didn't talk until that night, when we'd found somewhere a good few miles away to sleep for the night. He cooked up a dead rabbit he'd found at the camp and we ate mostly in silence.

I had to say somethin' though, and I took my opportunity once we'd settled down after eatin'.

"I owe you an apology."

He glanced up from cleanin' his knife with one of the bandannas he'd collected earlier. He didn't say anything but I saw that he was listening.

"I thought you mighta left me earlier. And I'm sorry for thinkin' that. I should've known better."

"Well now ya do," he said flatly, then added, "You really thought I'd leave ya in a situation like that...?"

I shook my head. "It was my idea in the first place. I wouldn't have blamed ya much if you had."

He scoffed. "I wanted to help, too. Just wanted a little more time to figure out a plan."

I stared down at the ground in silence. I heard him rustling around in his bag and looked up to see a clear mason jar in his hand as he held it out for me to take.

"Is that - "

"You need a drink," he said matter-of-factly.

I shrugged but had to agree so I took it and opened it. I guess he must've stashed an extra jar of moonshine before we burnt that house down. I sipped it carefully and slowly. It helped slow down all the thoughts in my head. I was sure I wouldn't sleep that night but I only got about an eighth of the jar drank before it overtook me and my eyelids got real heavy.

I was surprised. I honestly expected Daryl to be somewhat angry at me for bein' so impulsive and gettin' us almost killed. But I think he might've seen more at the camp than I wanted him to, even before he ambushed them.

I woke up numerous times in the night, just like I always do, and I kept half-expectin' to find him fallen asleep. But he never was. Every time I opened my eyes, he was sittin' in the same spot, watchin' me.

I'm startin' to think Daryl Dixon is always gonna be the good thing I write about.

_-E.G._

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**A/N:** If anyone is interested, I also poured my blood, sweat and tears into an AU Daryl/Beth fic titled "The Whole Heart." I wrote it for a prompt on tumblr but I posted it here. It's a witch AU in which Daryl dies and Beth tries to bring him back.


	5. Entry 5

**A/N: **This is probably my favorite chapter I've written so far. I'm currently working on 6 so I'll post it as soon as it's finished. I know the whole romance part of this is very slow to form but I hope you'll think it's worth it. I wanted to make it as realistic as possible and we all know Daryl is a very shy guy, especially when it comes to women. Anyway, reviews are appreciated!

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**Entry #5**

I know if I go back and read my last entry... I'd probably tear out all but the last page and burn it.

It might seem like I'm writin' down more bad things than good. But that's not the way I see it. In order to see why somethin' is so good, you have to see how bad it once got. Especially out here. Every little moment that you feel something other than scared is a moment worth rememberin'.

Or maybe that's just how I see it. And that's why I don't go back and read those yet because I know, one day, I'll want to and I'll need to remember exactly what happened. But right now, it makes me remember the bad. Because I look next to me or ahead of me and I see Daryl and I remember only the good moments. So I don't need all those details just yet.

I couldn't sleep for more than a few hours, even with moonshine in my system. Daryl noticed I was restless and we silently switched places. He slouched down and I noticed the bags under his eyes in the dim glow of the fire. I sat with my back against a pillow we'd taken from the camp. He pulled a blanket over himself and shut his eyes. I wrote for a while and spent some time in silence, nothin' but my own thoughts and my knife at my side. But I had an uneasy feeling. Like one of those that you can't really explain but you feel like somethin' is gonna come up so you know you should be prepared.

We made too much noise at that camp. Between the gunshots and all the yellin', it didn't seem like enough Walkers had caught up to us. They'd've wandered through that camp and kept wanderin', their mindless hunger leadin' em elsewhere, pushin' 'em forward. I try to be observant. To understand as much as I can about these creatures. They're the top of the food chain now and the more I know about them, the better. But that's hard to do when they're constantly defyin' everything you ever thought you knew about death. And about life.

And it just seemed too damn quiet.

After this long of bein' face-to-face with walkin' corpses, you get used to the smell. It still makes you nauseous, makes you not wanna eat or speak or breathe. But you don't cringe anymore. You don't take that step back and cover your nose. You straighten your back and you arm yourself and you prepare to kill somethin' that already died.

But that smell is still unmistakable. I read somewhere that smell is the strongest connection to memories and it makes sense. That's why, when I get that linger of decaying flesh and rotting muscles, my whole body tenses up and my adrenaline starts rushin' through me and I'm ready to run until I can't smell anything but fresh Georgia air again.

The herds are the worst. They carry this thick cloud that, I swear, can carry for miles. A pungent mask over everything else that floats on the wind and sends those ominous tingles through you like shock waves. If death could reach out and touch you, the smell of a herd would be its bony fingertips.

It was still a couple hours before dawn. The moon and the stars were still high but there was a light breeze, promising rays of sunlight in the comin' hours. It rustled my hair a little and threatened the tiny fire that clung to life on the last of our kindling. But it was carryin' something else.

Death.

That smell. So familiar. So haunting. It taunted my nose and made its way across my skin. I perked up right away and started lookin' around, but there was no rustling, no footsteps, no movement of any kind. I shoved the few things I had laying out back into my bag and ghosted my fingertips across the handle of my knife, still searching for signs.

"Daryl..."

I whispered so quiet, I almost couldn't hear myself. I know Daryl is a light sleeper, but even he wouldn't have woken to that.

I waited a few seconds before daring to make another noise.

"Daryl...!"

I whispered louder this time and he was startled awake. He blinked in confusion for a few seconds before lookin' at me questioningly. I gazed back with wide eyes, wordlessly askin' him if he noticed it. What was wrong.

He was about to open his mouth and speak when he stopped. His eyes widened. He threw the blanket off himself and stood up, turnin' in all directions to look for signs. I knew he smelled it, too.

When he didn't see or hear anything, he turned back to me and nodded. There was panic in his eyes.

"They're comin'. We gotta go."

A stinging rang through my chest just like every time it does when he says that. "It's a herd, isn't it?"

"We gotta GO, Beth."

He stomped out the fire and I gathered the last of our things in a rush, leavin' behind more evidence that we'd slept there than Daryl would usually allow. He grabbed his crossbow and turned to me.

"Which way's that breeze comin' from?" he asked quietly, standin' still and tryin' to measure it himself. But I'd been awake when it first picked up so I already knew.

I pointed toward the southwest and he nodded. We jogged away from the camp at a pretty steady pace, tryin' not to make too much noise. It's so dangerous walkin' through the woods without any sunlight but we had no choice. If we waited till dawn, they'd catch up to us in no time.

I started panicking in my head. If we could already smell 'em, they couldn't be that far away. How long did we have? Where could we possibly hide? We had no idea where the next or last house was, where the nearest road was or if there was even a vehicle to help shelter us. We might not be so lucky this time.

My fingers tightened around my knife at my side, ready to pull it out at any second. Images of countless Walkers comin' towards us flooded my head, of my blade penetrating skull after skull but still bein' overwhelmed, two more Walkers replacin' every corpse. Half-eaten faces descendin' on me in the pre-morning moonlight, more teeth in my skin than I could count.

Then I noticed Daryl had abruptly stopped in front of me. I looked up from where I'd been focusing on the ground and tryin' to take light footsteps without trippin' over anything. The dirtied wings on the back of his vest gleamed at me in the dim glow of the night sky. He stood still, his gaze locked on somethin' in the distance ahead of us. I saw his grip on his crossbow tighten and his jaw clench and he spun around, grabbin' my arm.

"Other way, other way!" he hissed. "We came right towards 'em!"

My stomach dropped but I let him pull my arm and lead me in the other direction. Was he right? I had to make sure.

I looked over my shoulder and squinted through the darkness, not seein' much besides trees and shadows. Then I noticed the movement. And more. And more.

It was like they were bein' born from the darkness. The harder I looked, the more figures I could make out. Shambling towards us, limping, jaws slack and eyes empty. Then the sounds caught up and my ears stung at the undeniable growl of a Walker. And then the growls of dozens.

I could almost feel the blood drain from my face. I tried to keep up, tried to force my legs to move and follow Daryl, but it's like they were filled with lead. Every step I took got harder and more overwhelming. My chest tightened.

He turned back to me and noticed. He still had a hand firmly on my arm, guidin' me with him. He tightened his grip and jerked me closer to him but didn't stop his half-jog.

"C'mon, Beth, I need ya to move. We can get away from 'em, we just gotta be smart about it."

He was tryin' to assure me, to calm me and bring me to my senses all at once. But all I could think about was the herd that ran through my farm like a catatonic storm and how this was gonna be no different.

I tried to shake myself, force my body to go into survival mode like it's learned to so well. But everything was a dark blur.

Daryl's pace picked up and I did the same. We were runnin' now. Our bags banged against our backs and the metal of his crossbow clicked against every stray branch. But it seemed like the growls were gettin' closer, the stench growin' stronger.

"Ow!" I cried out, running face-first into the rough leather of Daryl's back. He had stopped suddenly again.

I stepped back and he looked at me over his shoulder. I saw somethin' dreadful on his face.

"There's two of 'em. We gotta go this way."

I was dumbfounded. At first I thought he meant 2 Walkers, but I quickly realized he meant 2 HERDS. I don't know how Daryl can think so quickly, process things and come up with a plan. If I was overwhelmed before, what was this? It felt like my fate was closin' in on me.

I hadn't been wrong about the direction the smell was comin' from. It was the southwest. That's why we'd started heading north. But there was a whole other herd trudgin' from the north and so we'd turned southwest again. And now we found what we thought we'd been runnin' from in the first place. We were surrounded.

But Daryl acted. Just like he always does. Somehow thinkin' of a way out. I was mixed up now from turnin' around but I followed wherever he pulled my arm towards. And this time he chose east.

We ran. He finally let go of my arm once I showed I wasn't gonna stop and I kept up with him. My lungs were startin' to scream for air and my legs burnt with every hard step on the ground but I pushed past it. The stench pushed me, but it felt like its hands were inches from my shoulders, ready to shove me face-first into the ground. The sounds kept gettin' closer. The herds were closin' in on us. They don't move fast but when you have nowhere to go, they may as well be tsunamis ready to swallow you whole and leave nothin' to bury.

My face burned and I felt a hopelessness gripping my chest. I gasped for breath and kept runnin', my eyes searching all over for some sort of shelter, ANY kind of safety. It was all trees and fallen logs and leaves and shrubbery. We couldn't outrun 'em and we both knew it. We had to hide somehow.

I suddenly felt the ground give way from underneath me and I yelped in pain as my back fell against something hard and uneven. It dug into my spine and I was almost afraid I'd broken something before I realized I'd fallen and had the wind knocked outta me.

"Are you okay?!" Daryl asked, stopping and turning around to check on me.

He had been just a few feet to the left and missed the huge log followed by uneven ground that had caught my heel and brought my back down onto its unforgiving surface. I nodded and quickly jumped to my feet, rubbing my lower back as it ached from the impact.

I had tripped over this old, hollow log, half of which was embedded into the ground, but the ground was so uneven that it was like a small hill. It gave the inside of the log coverage, which was tiny but just large enough to fit two small people underneath. But if you tried real hard, you could fit a small girl and an average-sized man.

I'm not gonna tell you it was perfect, 'cause it wasn't. But it was a Godsend.

I think we realized it at the same time 'cause our eyes met and he nudged me down towards it. We tossed our bags, including his crossbow, into a pile of leaves and moss a few feet away. I got down on the ground and flattened myself so I could squeeze between the log and the hard earth. I slipped in and pressed my back as hard as I could against a mixture of decaying bark and solid forest soil, unsheathing my knife and holding it close to my chest. Daryl dropped to the ground and followed suit, but the only way he was able to fit his whole body in with mine was if he was facing me with his back to the outside, our bodies pressed about as tightly together as they'd go. He also had his knife ready, in lieu of his crossbow.

We were face-to-face, dead silent except for our panting breaths from exhaustion. The smell was getting more and more overwhelming and the growls were menacingly close. If we made the wrong movement now, we were done for.

I shut my eyes tightly and pursed my lips, willing myself not to cry. I couldn't. Not now. Fear immobilized me. My heart wouldn't stop racin' and all I could smell was death and decay and... Daryl.

Leather. Sweat. Dirt. Blood. That hint of somethin' that could be alcohol or cigarettes or both, even though he hadn't recently smoked or drank.

I didn't realize I was quivering until I felt a warm hand on my hip, a stark contrast to the cold ground that hugged my other hip. I opened my eyes to find Daryl's starin' intently at me. He gave my hip a reassuring squeeze and I searched his eyes for the words he couldn't speak. I didn't mean to or even want to, but a tear formed in my eye and rolled down my cheek and into the moss and dirt below me.

"Shhhh," he shushed me, still squeezin' my hip. I could almost hear his voice in my head: "Be strong, Beth." I gave him the slightest nod before I noticed the footsteps.

At first, it was only a few. Then it increased. Dozens. Hundreds. Maybe thousands of footsteps. All uneven, shaky, shambling and careless. No intent or direction besides "forward." Growls and low moans. The frustrated groans from surely smellin' us but not bein' able to see or hear us. They were around us, and then above us. They were walkin' right over us.

I think I held my breath for at least a full minute. My whole body was stock still, as was Daryl's. Save for the sounds of footsteps and hungry death around us, it was so silent inside the hollow log that I could hear my own heart beating against my chest. I felt like it might burst from my shirt, it was poundin' so hard, sending quakes all through my body. Then I realized I was feelin' Daryl's heartbeat against my own.

Our eyes were still locked. We just stared at each other, too scared to move, barely blinking. I slid my knife-less hand from where it rested on my thigh up to where his was still squeezing my hip. I slipped my fingers around his exposed wrist and gave it a squeeze. I wanted him to know I hadn't shut down. That I was ready.

I let out a small gasp when a loud THUD came from above us and I quickly saw that a Walker had mindlessly tripped over the very log we were hiding inside. It had fallen forward and buried its face in the dirt just feet away from us.

Daryl carefully and silently craned his neck around just enough to watch with me as the Walker clumsily stood to its feet and, without turning towards us, continued walkin', straying away from both herds that were crossin' over us in opposite directions. Once it was gone, I let out the breath I'd been holdin' and gave Daryl's wrist a reassuring squeeze. He squeezed back and turned his head towards me again.

He formed the "shhh" sound with his mouth without actually emitting any noise and I opened my eyes a little wider, trying to relay the message of, "you really expect me not to gasp when somethin' like that happens?" I saw the tiniest smirk tug at the corner of his mouth and I knew he'd gotten my message.

Another noise not much unlike the one we'd heard moments ago. I inhaled sharply but kept my eyes focused on Daryl's, not makin' a sound. He didn't look away, barely blinked. I think he knew I needed the eye contact to stay calm, that silent reassurance of "everything's gonna be okay." More noises, a couple more Walkers tumblin' over the log and following the first rogue from before. I wanted to whimper but I held it in. Fear had a tight hold on me now. It was worse than hidin' in that trunk just days before. At least then, we were concealed and protected by metal. Now, we were half-exposed and had nothin' but the earth's forestry to cover us.

I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't wanna cry again. I didn't want Daryl to see what a nervous wreck I still am, even after all this time. I shut my eyes and buried my face into his neck, breathin' in his dirt-pebbled skin. I tried to steady my breaths. Convince myself it would pass. We'd be okay. They wouldn't find us. But all I could picture was the calamity of two whole herds comin' down on us, rendering our defenses completely futile, devouring our flesh like it wasn't pumpin' with blood and adrenaline.

I didn't realize my whole body was shakin' until I felt that familiar squeeze on my hip. I stiffened and then relaxed, willin' my body to be still. More and more Walkers were wandering away, fallin' over the log we hid beneath, searchin' desperately for the skin that was attached to our smell. It almost sounded like rain on a tin roof above us. But it was heavier and much more terrifying. Every thud and clunk was a skipped heartbeat in my chest. I prayed for it to pass. I vowed to God I would do better, I'd be more caring, less selfish, ANYTHING... as long as He'd let me live.

Just the same ol' prayer I say every time. I think God might be tired of hearin' it. But somehow, that doesn't stop Him from answerin' it. I always knew Daddy was right about Him.

_"God will never let you down, Bethy."_

That voice echoes in my head every day. In my dreams. It brings me comfort most times. But sometimes, it brings me pain. I don't understand His plan. Daddy told me he doesn't either, and that we never would until after we die. I never saw why it has to be that way. I just hope Daddy understands now.

I tried to block out the sounds around us. I made them into background noise. The soundtrack to this sad existence. I didn't even realize at first what the warmth right above my ear was. Daryl had his head restin' on mine, my face still buried in his neck. His mouth moved closer to my ear and I felt his lips press down into my scalp, kissin' the side of my head through my greasy hair. A warmth rushed through me and I stilled for a second. It felt nice. To know I wasn't alone, that someone cared and was there. I couldn't imagine bein' in this by myself... I won't imagine it.

I unwrapped my fingers from around his wrist and inched my hand down until I could intertwine my fingers with his. He let me and I grasped his hand, our palms pressed together. He squeezed it and I squeezed back. It was like we had our own silent language. Sweat against sweat and fear against... I dunno what he feels. I don't think Daryl really is afraid of anythin'. If he is, it's not Walkers and it sure as hell ain't death.

I felt a nudge from him and tentatively brought my face away from his neck. I knew what he was pointing out - the sun was comin' up. The sky was gettin' brighter and startin' to uncover all the shadows around us. The footsteps from the herds were fading, but there was still a little while before we'd be in the clear. But if we didn't have the shadows, we had a worse chance of being noticed.

I gave him a worried look and he stared back in his usual stone-faced expression. I can't help but wonder what goes through his head at times like that.

Most days, the sun don't come up fast enough. This wasn't one of those days. With every minute, it seemed like it got higher and higher and more light was floodin' the ground of the woods. It leaked across leaves and dirt, leavin' no shadow concealed. The footsteps had divided by more than half, the groans and growls slowly fading in the distance. They were less steady and they'd stopped trippin' over our cover, but there still wasn't a safe enough distance for us to unveil ourselves and make a run for it.

Daryl lifted his eyebrows at me and I knew he was motioning that we'd have to run soon. I nodded in understanding but I'm sure my eyes showed how scared and unsure I was. We waited until the sunlight was barely feet away from shinin' across us and revealing us. He leaned in until his mouth was almost pressed against my ear and whispered to me.

"Stay here till I say so. Be ready."

I squeezed his hand hard but he pulled it from my grasp, not lettin' me argue or hesitate. He carefully scooted back away from me in the dirt and slipped out from underneath the log in almost total silence. He looked upward precariously and I silently wished the Walkers wouldn't notice him. They didn't seem to and as soon as his body was out far enough, he planted his feet and rushed, crouchin', to our pile of supplies.

I watched with shaky breaths until he had our bags over his shoulder and his crossbow in hand. He looked back at me and waved for me to come out. I started inchin' my way out like he had and was about to stick my legs out when I heard the unmistakable growl of a Walker that had spotted Daryl. His eyes shot up just as a mangled, dirty body tripped over the log - and me - and landed on the ground right in front of me. A little yelp of surprise escaped me and Daryl immediately brought his crossbow up to shoot a bolt through the reanimated woman's head.

"C'mon!" Daryl hissed and it lit a fire inside me. I rolled out from under the log and jumped to my feet, glancing back to assess the threat. The herds were fadin' into the distance, lost behind trees, but the stragglers were still around us, at least 20 or so. Half of 'em had just spotted us thanks to the commotion we'd just made and the other half were sure to figure it out before long.

I gripped my knife and turned to Daryl just in time to catch my bag as he tossed it to me. I threw it over both arms and onto my back and we started runnin', away from the Walkers and from both herds. The sun was fully up now so we could see every danger that might lay ahead of us.

We ran a few yards when I stepped around a tree and had to come to a halted stop. I almost let out a scream when I saw that I had just about run face-first into a Walker. But I didn't scream. I held it in and instead, I brought my knife up and drove it through the Walker's head, right between his eyes. I felt the soggy flesh of his face against my forearm. I pulled the knife out and kicked his body away from me as hard as I could, only to hear Daryl call from where he'd stopped up ahead.

"Look out!"

I spun around just in time to see another Walker lungin' for me from the other side of the tree. My eyes widened and I lifted my knife, but in that split-second, my heart paused, 'cause I could tell he was too close to me, he was already too far forward and his mouth was wide open and ready for a chunk of me. If I leaned back, I'd fall. And he'd be right on top of me.

A bolt flew right past my ear and into the Walker's eye. It dropped like a ton of bricks and I stepped to the side to let it fall flat to the ground just next to me.

I turned around to see Daryl still aiming, narrowed eyes starin' at me over his crossbow. He slowly let it down and I let out a breath.

We ran until the last of those Walkers were out of sight. Until the trees thinned and came to a pause for an abandoned dirt road. There was a pile-up of 4 cars all crashed into each other. 2 of them couldn't even be opened to get inside, but we found bags of clothes and scavenged a few useful things to wear that we stuffed into our bags. We spotted a few Walkers far off down the road. They couldn't see us from so far away but we needed a breather before going any farther. Daryl cleared out the backseat of the least damaged car and we slipped inside.

I don't remember what kind of car it was. It was almost unrecognizable anyway.

Besides, there's plenty of other details I'll never forget...

_-E.G._


	6. Entry 6

**A/N: **I'm sorry this chapter took so long. I wanted to get it just right and also I've been swamped with my hectic work schedule. Please let me know what you think of how I executed this chapter and their interactions. Constructive criticism is always welcome. A huge thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far and continues reviewing. I appreciate the time you take to read and let me know what you think. If you have any ideas or requests for fics as well, feel free to PM me.

Also, I added a new cover image for this story!

* * *

**Entry #6**

The silence was eerie in the backseat of the wrecked car after havin' to lie completely still while Walkers tripped over us for the last hour. The sun was shinin' bright in the sky and I could see the little specks of dust floatin' in the air around us. The Walkers down the road weren't even close enough to be heard. Our ragged breathing was the only sound echoin' inside the mangled old car for a few moments.

Once we'd sufficed ourselves with studyin' our surroundings and returning our breathing to normal, our eyes met. We were both pretty sweaty, and I watched it glisten on Daryl's forehead, plastering his hair down. My mind shot back to the kiss he'd left in my hair and it made me feel almost weird to see him now and remember that so I looked away.

"Not what I planned for breakfast but at least we're safe," he spoke, bringin' his bag around to sit in front of him while he shuffled through it. "Hungry?"

I nodded, watchin' as he pulled out cans of food for us. He opened one and handed it to me along with a fork before opening one for himself.

I brought a few bites to my mouth before I realized he was watching me, waitin'.

"We only got the one fork left. Lost the rest," he explained. "Hope ya don't mind sharin' germs."

I smiled and handed him the fork, chewing and swallowing my bites before answering, "I think your germs are the least o' my worries."

He grunted with a small smile and I took it as a chuckle.

We ate slowly, tryin' to give the food a chance to settle and hopefully fill us up faster. Between the food and the quiet comfort of the enclosed backseat, the fear and unease that had settled into me earlier was slowly ebbing away.

"What d'you miss most?" I asked, breakin' the silence.

He closed his mouth around a bite and chewed, handin' me the fork and can and watchin' me pick out a bite for myself before answering. "A lotta things."

"I think I miss ice cream the most," I said, smiling to myself and looking up from the can at him. His eyes sparkled.

"Ice cream?" he repeated with raised eyebrows.

I nodded, keepin' my smile. "Yeah! Momma used to make it homemade. We'd sit around on summer nights and eat sundaes... It was nice."

The memory brought a warmth to me and for a second, I tried to pretend the can in my hand was one of my mom's sundaes and I was sittin' in the house on a hot July night with everyone I loved surroundin' me. Just to see if I could feel that comfort again. But it didn't work. No matter how hard I tried, I was still in a crashed car, eatin' a can of food that was close to expiring with Daryl. Not that it was terrible. But it wasn't home.

"I miss sittin' on the porch, drinkin' coffee and watchin' the sun come up while I chain smoke. Drinkin' whiskey while I listen to the birds at sundown, burnin' a joint," Daryl started listin' these memories I'd never heard before, like the single patches of a much larger quilt. "Just... livin'. Relaxin'."

"Didn't know you had such a taste for the quieter things in life," I commented, watchin' patiently as he took a few more bites from the can and gazed down into it thoughtfully.

He shrugged, handing the can and fork back and motioning for me to finish the last of what was inside. "Merle liked that shit, too. Sometimes we'd sit on the porch for hours, watch the sunset and rise in one night, gettin' lit the whole time and talkin' 'bout... God knows what. Told me a lotta things I needed to hear durin' talks like that. Couldn't tell ya half of it now, though."

I scraped the last of the food from the can and set it aside, chewing slowly and tryin' to picture Daryl and his brother just being siblings. "Maggie did that, too... But she was more bossy about it. Always told me what I should be doin' but wouldn't explain why. I always trusted her till I got to be a teenager and then I wanted reasons. I dunno... I hate bein' the baby of the family sometimes. 'Specially after The Turn."

Daryl stared down at his hands thoughtfully, pickin' at the dirt under his fingernails. "Fer a little while, I think Merle wanted me to be better off than him. But then when he realized I might've been... he got scared. Tried to keep me closer, hold me down to his level. I coulda... I dunno... been somethin' more worthwhile. Without 'im."

I shook my head, holdin' my gaze steady on him. "Can't change it now. He helped make you who ya are. Without Maggie, I'd probably be long gone by now."

"Don't believe that," he stated, finally lookin' up to meet my eyes. "You're stronger than you think."

I shrugged, then let out a light laugh when a memory suddenly came to me and I had the urge to share it. "I... found a nest of bunnies once. On the farm. I was like, ten. No momma around. I wanted to take one and keep it for a pet. But Maggie found me. She got real mad, scolded me. I almost cried. I remember what she told me. She said, 'you can't just take one of 'em 'cause the mom ain't around.' I said, well what if she ain't comin' back? They'll just die here. And she told me, 'how would you feel if you went out and risked your life all day to get food for your babies and then came home and found 'em gone? Don't be selfish, Beth.' And I listened, of course. 'Cause she's my big sister and she always knew best."

He was watchin' me intently through my whole story, blue eyes dead set on my own. He nodded when I finished and showed a smirk.

"Merle never knew shit, but I still listened," he said. I noticed a shadow cross his expression at this particular thought about his brother. "He was simple-minded. Set in his ways, stubborn as hell - "

"Oh, and you're not?" I retorted, quickly adding, "Stubborn as hell, I mean..."

He smirked and went on. "His was in a 'I know I'm wrong but I'll never admit it' way, though. He never listened to me when I tried to help. He was so sure he knew more just 'cause he was older. 'Cause he'd seen more. Done more."

He went silent for a moment, his fingers fiddling with a loose thread on his pants, then spoke up by, surprisingly, sharin' his own memory. "Shit, I... I found a lil' nest o' birds once, right after my mom died. Some damn bluejays or somethin'. They fell outta the tree an' only a couple of 'em survived. I felt real bad, I thought I could help 'em. I put 'em in this shoebox an' hid 'em under our porch. Checked on 'em everyday, fed 'em and tried to heal 'em. Then one day, I came home, found Merle in the backyard, hangin' out in this creek we'd always play in. He'd found the box and he had 'em... I didn't know what he was doin' at first. Shit, I was so young an' stupid, I walked up and my first thought was that he was givin' 'em baths. But... he was drownin' 'em. Breakin' their wings an' their legs. Just some twisted shit. He didn't know I was watchin' till he heard me cryin'. I asked him to stop - begged him to just kill 'em an' put 'em outta their misery. He got real pissed. Told me it was my fault for hidin' 'em from him. Told me I was stupid for thinkin' I could fix 'em and that the mom would never take 'em back with my nasty smell all over 'em anyway. He said, 'you ruin everything, Daryl, an' I always gotta clean up your messes.' I kept cryin' so he pushed me down and called me a pussy, then left like nothin' happened."

My brows had furrowed and I was staring at Daryl with incredulity while he kept his eyes trained on his lap. When he stopped, I asked, "Then what? What'd you do?"

He shrugged as if the story were just another meaningless memory, but I noticed he was picking a little harder at that stray thread on his jeans that he stared down at. "Got up, brushed myself off, an' forgot about it. Told myself I probably was a pussy who ruined shit, 'cause Merle was right about everythin' before that, so no reason he wouldn't be right about that."

I shook my head, studyin' the ashamed look on his face he was tryin' to hide by avoiding eye contact. "Things are different now. You're a good man. And I ain't never seen you ruin anything."

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and I leaned back, satisfied. "Maybe if ya tell me enough, I'll start believin' it," he said quietly, still not lookin' up at me.

I laughed and rested my head back against the door of the car. A sharp pain shot through my lower back at the contact and I flinched forward, lettin' out a hiss of pain before reaching my hand back to touch the tender skin of what must've been a bad bruise. I was confused before I remembered my fall from earlier.

"Ya alright?" Daryl asked, finally lookin' up with concern on his face.

I nodded, grimacing. "I think it's a bruise from when I fell."

"Lemme take a look," he instructed.

"It's fine, it's just a bruise."

"Just lemme see," he said more firmly.

I sighed and gave in, twisting around in the backseat so my back was to him. I lifted my shirt up just barely and showed him the general area that hurt. His hands brushed my bare skin as they gently took hold of my shirt and lifted it up farther, forcin' my hand away. I instead rested my hands in my lap and leaned forward so he could examine. It must've been bigger than I thought.

He traced the outline of the bruise with his fingertip. "It's a pretty bad one. Gonna be all sorts o' colors."

I shrugged as if I didn't mind but actually, I was tryin' to shrug off the chill that ran up my spine from his fingers brushin' across my skin. I could already feel the goosebumps startin' to form.

"Lucky ya didn't break nothin'. A rib or somethin'."

"That's me, lucky Beth Greene," I joked sarcastically, pullin' away from his hands and turning back around, grateful to have my shirt covering me again.

There was an awkward silence then. We don't have them very much. Usually, our silences are pretty comfortable. Or required. I rubbed my lower back absent-mindedly and Daryl picked at the cloth upholstery. He looked around as if noticing the nooks and crannies for the first time. He started diggin' through the pockets and hidden compartments, pullin' out old dusty maps, food wrappers, crumpled-up receipts. Then he revealed a cigarette pack. He made a grunt of approval, pleasantly surprised. I watched him smirk as he opened the pack to find it mostly full. He slipped one out and turned his head to look at me.

"Got a light?"

I grabbed my bag and opened it to pull out the pack of matches. He put the cigarette between his lips as I sparked a match and held it up to him. I watched the end of the cigarette grow red and the puffs of smoke escape the corners of his mouth before he backed away. I shook out the match and tossed it up front.

He took a long drag, ashing out the smashed-out window next to him. The smoke rolled around us and drifted out the windows. I was just realizin' that the heat wasn't as stiflin' as it usually is. Summer is comin' to an end and I think fall is closer than I originally thought. I'm tryin' to keep track of the days, but they start to blur together, just one close call and sleepless night after the next. I can't tell if it's been a week or a month since we left the prison.

"What's goin' through yer head right now?"

Daryl's deep voice startled me out of my train of thought and I looked over to see him watchin' me with curiosity. "Just thinkin' about how it's not so hot lately. Might need to find some warmer clothes soon... Figure out where we're headin'."

I hesitated on the last part. A thoughtful look crossed his face and he took another drag, lettin' it rest in his lungs before exhaling. "What're you hopin' to find...?"

The question kinda caught me off-guard. "What d'you mean?"

"You wanna find the others but... what if they ain't there to find. What if we follow a trail that ends up cold, or worse. Or come up on another group like before," his words had a sharp edge of resentment, but I heard 'em for what they really were: his list of worries and doubts. "What if we found the others and... things got bad 'fore we could get there. What if somethin' happened to Judith. An' we had to take care of it."

"Daryl!" I was appalled that he'd even said it out loud. Of course I'd thought about it, especially since my own personal nightmare at that camp. But talkin' about it is somethin' else entirely. It's a worst case scenario. It doesn't deserve more than a passin' thought.

"Could you do it?" he continued, ignorin' my shock. "You think you could handle somethin' like that?"

I narrowed my eyes, starin' at him for a moment before diverting my eyes downward. "I did it at that camp, didn't I... Ya do what you have to. Doesn't mean it's not worth tryin'. I don't think everyone would've left her. Or not kept her safe. She's out there somewhere. Even if it's not with Rick or Carl. She's alive. And she deserves to be looked for... So does Maggie. She's too smart. She can't be dead either."

"I'm just sayin'," he added. "When we found that scene, that kid's shoe... You think you could handle seein' somethin' like that again?"

I shrugged. "It's not seein' it that bothers me, it's knowin' I didn't do anythin' to try and stop it."

Daryl scoffed but he didn't have a comment like I expected. Instead, he tossed the cigarette butt from between his fingers and out the window.

"We don't know who we can trust out here, Beth. I couldn't... I dunno what I'd do if I let you get hurt."

"I thought I proved I can take care o' myself," I said quietly.

"Ain't the point," he stated.

"Daryl, you don't... see me as a child anymore, do you?" I asked hesitantly, my eyes flitting down and back up to his.

I wanted to know if that's what made him feel this way, like he's obligated to protect me. I know he's saved my life a few times already, but I've done my part, too. I'm not helpless. I've wanted it to be a co-dependent thing. Not like he's my protector or chauffeur. But sometimes, when he says somethin' like that, it makes me think this is all like babysittin' to him. Like he's only worried about me 'cause he thinks he owes my dad or my family or somethin'. Just outta guilt. I tensed nervously waitin' for his answer, hopin' somethin' in all this had made it through to him that I'm not the teenage daughter he met at the farm. I'm an orphan and a survivor. Like him. We both need protectin'.

His eyes finally met mine again and he stared at me seriously, his gaze unwavering. "No, I don't."

His honest answer eased me a little and I relaxed. "Then trust me for once. There's still somethin' to hope for out there. We ain't the only good people left. Can't be."

"Dunno what makes you so sure of everythin'," he remarked.

"I ain't sure, that's the thing," I said. "I just... can't lose hope. Neither of us can. We can't just give up on the idea of somethin' better. We... deserve to live, not just survive. To not feel so alone in the world. We found a little normalcy in the prison. We could find that again. Where we don't have to worry about bein' eaten in our sleep or attacked by a group of twisted men."

He winced slightly at the mention of the camp of men and studied me as if I was explainin' somethin' he'd never made sense of before.

I didn't say anything else. When I realized he wasn't goin' to either, I grabbed the pack of cigarettes lyin' on the seat between us and took one out, puttin' it between my lips. I noticed Daryl watchin' me out of the corner of my eye as I struck a match and lit the end. I tried to use what he'd told me for smoking the joint but I ended up coughing out the first inhale of smoke I took. It was harsh and stung my throat, but I tried again and successfully blew out a cloud of smoke. I watched it drift out the window closest to me and held the cigarette between my index and middle fingers. Smokin' never appealed to me and I never would've done it before, but I have to admit, I felt kinda "cool" sittin' there with it, blowin' smoke out and holdin' it like I'd seen people in movies do so many times.

I didn't look over at Daryl for a couple of minutes, but I felt his eyes on me as he watched me smoke. When I finally did look at him, I realized the nicotine must've been kickin' in, 'cause I got a sudden rush to my head and a light, relaxed feelin' all throughout my body. It was different than the joint, but I'm not sure how to explain it. All I know is, I can see how people get addicted to those things, even with how awful they taste and smell.

"Never smoked before either, huh?" he finally commented, his fingers fiddling with the hair on his chin and a small smirk on his mouth.

I shook my head. "'Course not. They kill ya."

"So does everythin' else out here," he retorted.

"Exactly," I said, takin' another drag from the cigarette but keepin' eye contact with him.

I saw somethin' spark in the darkness of his blue eyes as he leaned back in the seat and watched me. My unease from his gaze faded away with each puff of smoke I exhaled.

The cigarette burned lower than I realized and I moved it to my lips to inhale the last drag, but the red, glowing ash from the end fell and landed on my chest. I yelped in pain at the sudden burnin' and dropped the unlit butt, hurriedly brushin' at my chest to get rid of the lit cherry.

Daryl let out a laugh but scooted to the middle of the seat and reached over, helpin' me brush the last of the ash from my chest.

"Real funny," I said flatly, displeased. But when I looked up and met his eyes, saw the smile on his lips and the glow on his face, I couldn't help but smile, too. I let out a laugh, havin' to admit I probably looked pretty foolish.

When our laughter died out, I noticed just how close we were. His thigh was touching mine and our faces were inches apart. I could smell his breath - it smelled like cigarettes with a hint of the food we'd just eaten. Everything went still for a moment, like the world around us had paused. Somethin' fluttered to life in the pit of my stomach and I watched his blue eyes dart from my own to my mouth and back again.

I can't tell you what possessed me to go ahead with what happened next. Maybe it was the nicotine runnin' through my system and liftin' my head up into the clouds. Or maybe it was the little flame of hope I could see burnin' in Daryl's eyes, like I'd put it there myself. Like I'd finally done somethin' good for once... made a difference. Made him think a little deeper.

I don't know which of us moved in first, but my eyes closed and I felt the damp warmth of his chapped lips on mine. I inhaled sharply and held it, my whole body goin' still for a few seconds while our mouths pressed together. It was shy and timid, but what I liked best is that he didn't open his mouth, didn't try to stick his tongue in or pull me closer. We just let it happen. I never liked how Jimmy or Zach kissed because it felt... sloppy, and kinda gross. Sometimes forced. The way our teeth would click together and their tongues would get slobber all over my lips. Kissin' Daryl was nothin' like that. I almost felt in control for once. I felt how pensive he was and pressed my lips a little harder to his. He didn't back away but didn't try to press closer either. I tasted the cigarette he'd smoked and felt the tickle of his facial hair against my chin and upper lip.

I forgot I was holding my breath and when he finally pulled away, I let it out and felt a whole new rush to my head. He stayed sitting where he was, our faces still inches apart. I opened my eyes to find his hooded ones starin' at me, a million questions in their blue depths. I'm sure I looked about the same, but it felt awkward for a second so I tentatively smiled. A breathy chuckle escaped my lips, fillin' the absence he'd left.

I expected him to say somethin'. Anything. But all he did was smirk, studying me as if he was seein' me in a whole new light. He looked me up and down, and I caught his gaze linger on my mouth for just a second too long. I don't know much about guys - or men, in this case - but I got the feelin' he wanted to kiss me again.

Somethin' caught his attention from his peripherals, though, and he spun his head around to look out the dirty and shattered back window of the car. I knew our little moment was over when he let out a sigh of contempt before speaking.

"We got company."

_-E.G._


End file.
